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Rough Day

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Feb. 1st, 2010 | 12:58 am

So my friend Allison Williams is playing a string of shows in my area, one of which is in Charlottesville. I thought it'd be a fun thing to go to the Charlottesville show and sleep over at Acorn that night and then hang out the next day with my friends that live there.

I called Acorn and spoke to my friend (he lived at Twin Oaks at the same time I did and left to go to Acorn once it was clear that Twin Oaks wasn't the right place for him) who was about to facilitate the weekly Interpersonal Meeting and said he'd have to "check in" with people before he could say that I could come stay the night.

Really I should've just let it go when he said that - usually, hesistation in a visitation situation at Twin Oaks or Acorn is a poor omen. And of course he called me five hours later to say that everyone was fine with me visiting except for one member in particular, a person that I lived with at Twin Oaks as well, who said that I could stay but that he didn't "want to hear or see" me.

And that's when I said "forget it". I just sent this email a few seconds ago, but maybe I shouldn't have done anything?

As for [mean sad person], I guess I don't have too much to say and you can probably just give him this whole email. It's just that when I consider that we hardly were friends and at the end of my time at Twin Oaks he wouldn't even speak to me like so many other people, I'm confused as to what I could have done to him personally to make him feel as though he can't handle seeing me or hearing me. I think that is a very nasty, hateful, and hurtful thing to say and I'm really sad now to know that I can't visit the few friends I have left in a place where I lived out the saddest years of my life. I hope that [he] can get over whatever is making him feel so hateful towards me and I hope that any other things that might be stressing him out or making him be less than his best self work themselves out for the better. That said, if any of ya'll ([him] too) are ever in Northern VA and want to see the farm I live on, the art I've been making, meet my boyfriend, and have tea and venison in the adorable cottage I stay in, you are always welcome, and my sis Rashaun says that any of you dudes ([him] too) are welcome at her place near Rock Creek Park in DC anytime as well. It's a hop, skip, and a jump from a really good burger place and all these groovy embassies. Peace!

Really diplomatic, I know. The truth is that I cried when I got that message and I think [he] should be ashamed of himself. It sucks to have so many negative thoughts about my old community still and to have them reinforced by this stupid dude. It makes me feel more right about the current life I lead than I've ever felt before.

Also I suppose that I was happy to still feel like there was somewhere in Louisa County, VA, that I was still welcome. I had a brief thought that maybe I should cut all my ties with those communities and those few friends because nothing really seems to be in place for me to maintain any kind of meaningful relationship with anyone that lives there now. That's pretty reactionary and vindictive at its core, but that's where a bitch is at right now.

The solution is that I'm just gonna pick up the two people at Acorn that want to see me and we're gonna go to Charlottesville and hang out and see Allison's show. It's all gonna be okay - it was always gonna be okay - but that doesn't make me any less hurt or sad right now. Ugh, I should just watch something, anything, relating to drag queens and fucking. That'll perk me right up.

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Comments {10}

Delicious James Flow

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from: starofpersia
date: Feb. 1st, 2010 08:18 pm (UTC)
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Just really goes to show how a crazy place will make you crazy.

I am so glad you got out of that fucked up place and are loving your life now!

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Mine Alone

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from: porelsocialismo
date: Feb. 1st, 2010 11:19 pm (UTC)
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Thanks, B - yesterday was kind of a rough day for me!

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Delicious James Flow

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from: starofpersia
date: Feb. 2nd, 2010 01:58 am (UTC)
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I don't blame you- that's hateful bullshit and nobody deserves to be on the receiving end of it, especially not you!

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