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Don't look back at it

Aug. 6th, 2015 | 10:04 am

Okay, I had the terrible idea yesterday to read every single entry from my commune days in hopes of finding good stuff to post on the Twin Oaks Journals page.

Bad idea! Bad, bad idea! Not only was it physically exhausting to read a computer screen for so long, I was also left with a very sore neck and shoulders. I took a bath last night with epsom salt, baking soda, and eucalyptus oil which really has me feeling better today. Gonna go some hip and shoulder opening yoga today during my lunch break at work, which will also help get me loose again. On top of the physical stuff I also was left in a pretty crummy mood, though there were lots of fun things that I read about as well such as walks in the woods, pond time and swimming, cooking meals, hammock hangouts, holidays, dance parties.

Getting ready to start school again soon - August 17th, only 11 days to go! I'm looking forward to being more active again, instead of just driving to work where I stay seated all day. I'm actually excited about walking around a college campus again. What's even better is that my classes are only on Wednesday and Thursday nights, so I can continue working for the time being, which I need to do. I'm also SO JAZZED on having a student fitness center at my disposal again - time to do some water aerobics! I'd been running and doing yoga, but my joints couldn't really handle it, plus I ended up with some awful bursitis in my hip. My doctor recommended swimming/water aerobics, so I'm excited that I'll actually be able to do it.

Blogs are weird. Reading back I'm amazed at how much information I gave regarding my sex life and my sex drive. I was practically obsessed with sex and had no chill or awareness of the concept of TMI. I think it also speaks to how the internet/livejournal/online blogs weren't so big 10+ years ago, knowing that this blog would probably never be seen by folks other than my "friends" made it feel okay for me to name names or be really blunt about sex, drugs, etc.

No idea how open I'll be going forward. I'm extremely paranoid now about the online world and would hate to lose a job or something like that just bc someone found this lj and discovered that I used to be a slutty hippie.

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You own everything!

Aug. 5th, 2015 | 10:36 am

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” - Anne Lamott

Wow, I haven't been here since 2010. I originally came back here because someone on Facebook added me to a group called The Twin Oaks Journals Project, which is just for ex-members to post their journal entries from back when they were members at Twin Oaks. Even though I stopped using my paper journal completely at TO, I knew that I still updated this here livejournal pretty regularly while I was there and figured I could find content here for sharing. I was right! I initially shared the entries from right around the time that I left. Two entries from the days before I left and 1 entry from the day that I left. They were both pretty negative and I was regretful of that and even said so and deleted one entry, but why the fuck did I actually do that? Because I'm embarrassed that I don't reflect on the experience with dewey eyes and a smile, like most ex-members. I left Twin Oaks in a very bad way, with hardly any friends or support. Since leaving I've had to deal with the community in other ways, plus I had so many issues with feminism, privilege, bullying, and racism while living at Twin Oaks that it really shouldn't be a surprise that I don't quite love the place or want to talk about it in very flowery ways. But still, I apologized for posting negative things because I don't want to be that one girl that always interjects with something negative. I still want the hippies to like me. I'm a little disappointed in myself because honestly - I'm not sorry! My story is mine and I'm allowed to tell it without being beholden to anyone's need to avoid embarrassment or bad press. Sigh. I'll do right by myself one of these days.

Oh yeah, I posted some "funny" stuff today. I have to say that I really like my writing from back then and I'm impressed with how perceptive I was. I am a smart, tough girl and reading blogs from back then, especially during shitty hard times, was very encouraging for me.

Anyways, I'll continue to check out entries from that time to find funny and interesting/relevant stuff to post on the Journals Project page. I also think I'll continue to post in this here livejournal. I like it. I'm going back to school as well- getting my second Masters Degree. This time it's an MA in Art Therapy. I want to work with adult prison and jail populations and I'm so excited! I start August 17th! I'm also going to try to take a water aerobics class at the Student Fitness Center, which should be terribly cute and good for my health and crappy joints.

I was also going to write that I want this to be my last blog post ever about Twin Oaks. Ha, yeah right - I'll always have something to say about that place, especially as the media continues to focus on income-sharing campus style socialist communes as some kind of viable alternative lifestyle "in these times". I think that stories about places like Twin Oaks only make good entertainment for those of us who don't live that way and I wish that co-housing got more sexy press coverage. You get to own your own property and car, you get to have a job and interact with larger society daily if you want. You can still be a hippy and have solar power, geothermal heating/cooling, and compost, among other things. I know that some don't idealize that type of lifestyle but if we are talking about models of community that the rest of the country could transition more easily into, then I think that co-housing is it. And so few people know about it!

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Rough Day

Feb. 1st, 2010 | 12:58 am

So my friend Allison Williams is playing a string of shows in my area, one of which is in Charlottesville. I thought it'd be a fun thing to go to the Charlottesville show and sleep over at Acorn that night and then hang out the next day with my friends that live there.

I called Acorn and spoke to my friend (he lived at Twin Oaks at the same time I did and left to go to Acorn once it was clear that Twin Oaks wasn't the right place for him) who was about to facilitate the weekly Interpersonal Meeting and said he'd have to "check in" with people before he could say that I could come stay the night.

Really I should've just let it go when he said that - usually, hesistation in a visitation situation at Twin Oaks or Acorn is a poor omen. And of course he called me five hours later to say that everyone was fine with me visiting except for one member in particular, a person that I lived with at Twin Oaks as well, who said that I could stay but that he didn't "want to hear or see" me.

And that's when I said "forget it". I just sent this email a few seconds ago, but maybe I shouldn't have done anything?

As for [mean sad person], I guess I don't have too much to say and you can probably just give him this whole email. It's just that when I consider that we hardly were friends and at the end of my time at Twin Oaks he wouldn't even speak to me like so many other people, I'm confused as to what I could have done to him personally to make him feel as though he can't handle seeing me or hearing me. I think that is a very nasty, hateful, and hurtful thing to say and I'm really sad now to know that I can't visit the few friends I have left in a place where I lived out the saddest years of my life. I hope that [he] can get over whatever is making him feel so hateful towards me and I hope that any other things that might be stressing him out or making him be less than his best self work themselves out for the better. That said, if any of ya'll ([him] too) are ever in Northern VA and want to see the farm I live on, the art I've been making, meet my boyfriend, and have tea and venison in the adorable cottage I stay in, you are always welcome, and my sis Rashaun says that any of you dudes ([him] too) are welcome at her place near Rock Creek Park in DC anytime as well. It's a hop, skip, and a jump from a really good burger place and all these groovy embassies. Peace!

Really diplomatic, I know. The truth is that I cried when I got that message and I think [he] should be ashamed of himself. It sucks to have so many negative thoughts about my old community still and to have them reinforced by this stupid dude. It makes me feel more right about the current life I lead than I've ever felt before.

Also I suppose that I was happy to still feel like there was somewhere in Louisa County, VA, that I was still welcome. I had a brief thought that maybe I should cut all my ties with those communities and those few friends because nothing really seems to be in place for me to maintain any kind of meaningful relationship with anyone that lives there now. That's pretty reactionary and vindictive at its core, but that's where a bitch is at right now.

The solution is that I'm just gonna pick up the two people at Acorn that want to see me and we're gonna go to Charlottesville and hang out and see Allison's show. It's all gonna be okay - it was always gonna be okay - but that doesn't make me any less hurt or sad right now. Ugh, I should just watch something, anything, relating to drag queens and fucking. That'll perk me right up.

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(no subject)

Dec. 14th, 2009 | 09:27 am

It's gotten all cold up here and that's been an adjustment. Since I've lived in VA/DC, I've spent every winter in really warm places - except this winter. Well, that's not entirely true: the cottage is warm now, but figuring out how to get it warm and keep it warm has been way more of a task than I'd expected. I've had the floor insulated, covered windows, sprayed that expanding foam under the sink and fridge, and bought an extra space heater thats so powerful that I wake up at night sweating. Now the cottage is toasty and warm, I can handle temperatures as low as the 20's, though I'm interested to see how it'll be those one or two days this winter where its freezing and 10 degrees out. We'll see. This place isn't drafty anymore, but I have to remember that 80% of the walls have no insulation.

Its awesome living on a farm when you don't have farming to do. Most farmers spade up their fields and plant cover crop by November at the latest, but we leave our last bit of fall veggies in the fields so we can eat, eat, eat, until they are frozen in the ground. I just went out and cut a bunch of broccoli and pulled some fat ass turnips out of the ground. It froze last night so the broccoli is a little less than perfect at the tips, but the turnips are beautiful and bigger than a cue ball. There is still kale and cabage out, also celery, swiss chard, parsley, kohlrabi, sorrel, spring onions, and herbs like sage, thyme, and mint, still in the fields, going strong. I'm gonna get a bag of broccoli and turnips to bring to my mom, that'll be a fun cool thing.

Oh yeah - speaking of taking stuff to my mom - Rashaun and I will be down south for ten days, starting on Thursday. Well, actually Friday I guess since we're travelling on Thursday. We will be in Cleveland, Clarksdale, Memphis, and Oxford. HOLLA. Lambfish Christmas party on Saturday, holla at Joey Pluggs for specifics.

I'm also bringing my sweet, straight-laced boyfriend with me for a few days. He'll be in the Delta with us, it should be pretty interesting to see how well he mixes with my friends. I mean, everyone is a nice person, we all want to have fun, so what's the worst that could happen? Calm down, Rachelle. His name is Rick, he's 27, he works for Homeland Security's Office of the Inspector General but he's not a square-ass snitch, he's working on his M.S. in Public Policy from American University, he graduates in May. He's a sensitive guy that listens to female singers and John Legend and Saul Williams, he loves Joss Whedon's work, and he loves food, beer, and wine. As a couple, we are at our best when we're eating yummy food or getting sauced at gorgeous vineyards in the mountains. We like to walk around new places and he's slowly becoming a good cook.

What else?

Oh yeah - I'm done with school! Yes! Good riddance! I'm a Master of Fine Arts now! Still haven't moved out of my studio space, but that's okay. It'll get taken care of.

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(no subject)

Nov. 4th, 2009 | 01:30 pm

I did something that I've wanted to do since I was 20 years old yesterday, which was get a Brazilian wax. I was able to get 50% off the price at this cool little day spa downtown in DC, near the National Geographic Museum (who's latest exhibit is the terra cotta warriors!!!).

Have any of ya'll ever had your crotch waxed? It fucking hurts, it hurts BAD. I have no idea how porn stars do it! Now, there are three kinds of waxes you can get: A bikini wax is just your bikini line and thighs. A French wax is a bikini wax plus your pussy lips and ass. Those parts weren't that terrible, believe it or not, though having to lay on my back with my knees to my chest while holding my ass open was not awesome. At all. Especially since I'd never met the cosmetician before. A Brazilian is all of the above including the mound, which is just terribly painful. Have you ever tried to tweeze out an ingrown pubic hair? Think of laying really hot melted wax on a large area of your pubes and then PAYING A STRANGER to rip the wax off really quickly. By the end of the session my legs were sweating and I was dizzy. It was like getting a big tattoo - just exhausting, and I had to metro back to Rashaun's house and eat food and nap before meeting with my professor at HU.

And I'm never doing it again. Maybe I'll get a French wax in the future because things are looking pretty tight down there, but I feel freakish with no mound hair and besides, that part hurt really bad. All and all, I'm glad that I did it - I'd been terribly curious about crotch waxing for years, so now the veil of mystery is lifted and the waxing served its purpose.

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(no subject)

Jul. 15th, 2009 | 12:26 am


The cottage by the barn is going to be available soon, hopefully before the fall. That means I'll get to move ONTO the farm, not just beside it. I'll be 20 yards from the hen house and that might suck in the early morning when I don't have to get up, but still - its the perfect size for me with a renovated kitchen, hardwood floor, and a bathroom in serious need of help. Oh, and its barely insulated, so someone will have to go under it and put insulation in. I'll get 'er done, I'm so excited! Plus the rent is $200 a month! For a fucking 1 bedroom cottage in Northern VA! And if I finish the renovations, Hana may give me huge break on rent in exchange. Yes!

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(no subject)

Jul. 8th, 2009 | 11:14 pm

I've had a really sore back since yesterday - its time to harvest garlic, which means pulling them right out of the ground, which means leaning over lots. I also planted about a billion fennel plants today (definitely around 250), and I've still got about 600 left to plant. Goodness.

I can't stop listening to Maxwell's new song, and that damn "ego" remix by Beyonce on is fuckin' repeat (the video is pretty sexy too). This is the time of year that I work from 7am until 7pm or later and listen to jams all fuckin' day.

Pretty Wings (uncut) - Maxwell

Also, I'm really tired of white people trivializing the career of Michael Jackson. Seriously? Shut the fuck up and don't come to me talkin' about them fuckin' kids. My friend Ashalyn said something pretty good:

The only reason so many people assume Michael Jackson is a child molester (besides the sleepovers he had with little boys) is because he doesn’t FIT. He doesn’t fit a gender, he doesn’t fit a sexuality, he doesn’t fit a racial category. Obviously he molested little kids, the reasoning goes, because he’s a freak. That’s just the type of thing someone like him WOULD do.

Whether he did it or not (I wouldn’t be terribly surprised either way), there’s some serious homophobia going on there.

Racism too, in my opinion.

I found out that the last child that accused MJ of molestation admitted to lying, to being pushed by his parental units for money. That kids' family got paid off, and think about it: if your child was molested, which would you want as a parent, a paycheck or jail time for the perp?

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Sculpting Time Photos!

May. 24th, 2009 | 05:51 pm

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(no subject)

May. 22nd, 2009 | 01:52 am

My show opened tonight! It was wonderful, I feel so loved and supported. I could cry when I think about all the great folks that came out to check out my art and support me - its hard being away from my family, but living at Blueberry Hill makes it alot easier.

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(no subject)

May. 16th, 2009 | 10:29 pm

who's seen the newest episode of the office? it's great.

click for my synopsis/spoilerCollapse )

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